and then the police came in

yeah. pretty gross.

I guess it is something that is bound to happen when you have 2 people who differ on EVERYTHING. 
Not something I wanted at all.

Now he is my big dumb ex boyfriend. Wow, that didn't play out too long.  I feel like a big dumb moron for even being with someone who is so different than me,. Sad thing, i loved that Big Dumb Ass. After this story, maybe i will realize why i shouldn't have spent so much heart.


hints
1) if he only sees you on weekends...he most likely has other commitments
(sure you may too, so this might work out, until you see him at a grocery store with an asian lady and a baby)
2) ask him about the asian lady and baby you saw him with
 (when he says "i have no idea what you are talking about" or "you are sooo crazy"  walk away or punch      him in the nuts)
3) when a lady calls your house and claims she is "practically married" to Big Dumb Guy. Don't question. Say "I feel sorry for you" and hang up.
4) When she calls back again and asks " Did you have a sexual relationship with him?"  If you did, say yes. Don't prolongate the bullshit....ring ring....
when she calls back and tells you that they have a 2 year old kid together living in his mom's basement, and she is Asian. RUN. Not cause she is asian, but because obviously he was lying.
5) When he tells you they were already broken up and she was going back home to her family, Don't believe him.
6) leave the scene
7) tell him to call you when his shit is settled (obviously never) so move on
If not the following things will happen

1) his Mom will hate you so hard. You obviously ruined the relationship.If you didn't exist, neither would temptation. Her son would be with the baby mom, and she could be with baby. I get that. We all get that. Don't fuck with guys who have babies, especially ones that live with grans. I'm regretful, so much so, that i have to warn others.
2) Sisters will get involved. When with Mother, they will try to break into your house and yell things like "GIVE ME MY SON".  Lock all your doors. They will try to get through windows and screens you never use. When they get in they will yell loudly "GIVE ME MY SON" as if you have the poor guy held captive.
3) Unplug your phones. They will call relentlessly. How they got your number? I wish i knew.
4) When they come barreling in, don't expect him to budge.This shitstorm is now your duty.
5) After his Mom and sister break into your home and try to bust your ass, you are NOT to say a disparaging word about their behavior and treat them like GOLD. Casino Gold.  Never question their intentions.
6) Never expect an apology. When they recognize that "Their Son " is a lying sack (which they won't), they will blame you somehow, and you must take it. Or not.
Or not is the best idea.
7) When it all boils down. you will be left pregnant and alone, being told you RUINED his life. With his Mom and Sister to back it up. Even though all you did was love the guy, you will end up screwed up and to blame in the end.
8) take it from me, and don't go there.

9) apparently you are not supposed to call the cops if he manhandles you. only losers call the cops.
    ps. only losers dye their hair red as well.

Of all things

..why does he have to like classic rock?
and what makes classic rock classic? Other than it all sounds the same and generally sucks.
He told me today my music annoys him.
Well, at least I have a broad spectrum of annoying tunes. Not just Classic Rock with a hint of WEEZER.
Who cares, music doesn't make who you are.
Today he hugged me.
No complaints. He's dumb. Mostly because he stays with me.

Today, a day of thanks...was a shit show. Thanks, for that.

Every year, I spend Thanksgiving with my best girl Cat. We cook the bird, worry about gravy. Always get the problem solved. This year Dale decided he would come along. Not without a lot of moaning and groaning. He was mad because i didn't let him put the turkey in at 9 am.
actually.

i'm mad still.
He was such a cunt.

"we have to go hang out with your friends, best friends of a guy who raped you"

rape and thanksgiving don't go well in my world
so, i almost smacked him.
raised my hand,
he pulled over and ran
meanwhile my turkey in the back hit the floor

he sulked for awhile
i thought about catching a bus
i thought about maybe killing him
but i couldnt even smack him

he came back
and asked me to "have a good time"
always
When we got to Cat's
i was ready to bust down doors
I had to DRAG him there
kicking and crying
it didn't take long though
other woman convincing him to stay works
he bought a case of beer and kissed me
as if nothing ever happened

so i pretended nothing happened
i was pretty pissed off though
an hour prior he was crying because his pie crust failed
talking about rape
because its my fault his pie failed
i told him to not roll it so thin
so controlling
He did have a good time.

FUBAR

I told him i wanted to see Fubar 2.

If anyone knows what that is, it should be him. Fucked Up Beyond All Repair....2.

We went to Wal- Mart, again. I didn't know why we had to go there, again. Oh wait. He checks out the flyer. There might be a deal.
Ew.

He did find a deal. On canned gravy.

I told him i needed garbage bags, he said "meet me in Electronics"
insert best robot dance

so, i go to the electronics section, he is looking at movies.
Fubar,
it is
i asked him
"have you seen this one? even?"


"Yeah i saw it when i was a kid"


he's 37

me..."so what year was that?"

"1992"

i said   "Fuck off, I wasn't even done school, more like 2002"

he looks into the Wal-Mart bag, fishing around...thinking he's gonna win an age war

"oh, 2002"

"yeah. when you were a kid" sarcasm

back when you were 30.

Back when he was a kid? He also claims he was a big skate boarder. Lover of  Thrash. He was a super babe in his youth, What the fuck? Why did a super babe skate boarder thrash kid turn into some skid dog wal-mart loving ignorant turn the lights off early mother fucker?

He claims he used to skate, now all he wants to do is cross the border and buy cheese?

Today I went to the beach with my dear friend Sarah and her two beautiful blonde cherub children. The lake was sparkling, the breeze was blowing, the sun was shining. A waterfall was even rushing. However, I was seething.

A beautiful day, wonderful company and all I could think about was my big dumb boyfriend.

Sarah and I sat on the rocks by the beach while the children waded and threw twigs into water. With a stick, I drew a letter in the pebbles. Over and over again, spaced out yet ranting. The same letter. F. F- for FUCK. Sarah noticed this as well. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That big dumb asshole. Fuck.

I realized that I spend too much time complaining to my friends about his new stupid shenanigans, his lame excuses, his not very sightful insights and told Sarah that I should do as my native ancestors did, turn it into something laughable.

Although the majority of my spats with my boyfriend are not funny at the time, in retrospect, I can see the humor in almost every single one of them. Then Sarah suggested that I start a blog documenting his daily moron moments. What comes out of this? Hmmm, maybe a way for me to vent. Maybe a good way to get some introspect? Maybe a law suit? Who knows, but I'm going for it. I think every woman in the world who is dating, has dated, married, divorced has had a moment when even their most beloved prince charming has acted like a total moron. It happens to the best of us at times. My boyfriend, more than others.

Ever notice when woman imitate their man? It's usually done in Big Dumb Guy Voice. Take note, you will see, every woman has done it.

Today I spent alot of time talking in Big Dumb Guy Voice.

So, I guess I will give you a little of the history. Tomorrow.